Blessed are the peacemakers: a brief tribute to Xe

A little over a week ago, a friend of Tyler’s was senselessly killed. My heart is still heavy and sore over the thought of it. I didn’t know him all that well, only through  conversations at the grocery store and at the company Christmas party. This much I know, he was one of the gentler souls I’ve ever met. I always enjoyed seeing him and getting the chance to say hello. It took me little time to realize he was someone who wanted to live a simple, peaceful, vibrant life and at only 24, he was doing that very well.

The details of his death are unclear, but after attending a beautiful memorial for him, they only pale in comparison to the details of his life. Those closest to him described him as sunlight, as the person who would have helped them heal in light of such a tragedy, as a deep and spiritual friend, and a sweet younger brother.

This certainly has laid a mile marker on our life in the city. A reminder that we don’t have time to waste, and an inspiration to live in a way that can change the world you’re living in. At the very least, impact the lives of those you live among.

My thoughts on guns are fully explained elsewhere, and really belong there more than they belong here. But I just want to say, this issue now has two faces for me. The one of kind, gentle, young, Xe, who’s life was taken far too soon. Far, far too soon. And the one of the confused, scared, misled other who likely lost themselves that night, before knowing a minute of the life they were stealing. I am confident that had the scenario been slowed, a conversation had, the outcome would have been entirely different.  If it weren’t so easy, so fast, so disconnected to end a life.

Xe’s father said as he lead the memorial for his son, just down the street from where he was killed,”Please don’t hate anyone, as much as you may want to. Send love and light to the person who opened the door for my son that night.” Then, he lead a processional to the corner where it happened and asked for peace for the neighborhood, for a better future.

I hope I can hold that depth of grace for others in my life.

Rest peacefully, Xe. After all, blessed are the peacemakers. I only wish I could have known you better.

Our cognitive dissonance on weapons

I’ve never been one short on words. But in the days following the Sandy Hook Elementary tragedy, I have been at a complete loss. In part out of utter shock at the horror of this most recent shooting, and in part by the truly shocking comments and flippant soundbites people have spewed off to downplay the news while also expressing condolences for the lost lives. I simply cannot follow the logic that connects the two.

What I find so disheartening in this renewed talk about guns and our increasingly commonplace experience of mass murders, because that is what they are, is the cognitive dissonance of our worldviews.

The utility of social networks makes dialogue a nonessential and so, we monologue. We monologue all day long. Sometimes at each other, and sometimes to no one in particular. But what social media doesn’t do is forget. So those things you said emphatically months ago are still living and breathing as you say what you say today. We’ve laid plain the chasms in our logic for the world to see, but  still ramble on about opposing philosophies, staking reputation, friendships and respect on the validity of one current opinion.

Cognitive dissonance is the term used for anyone holding conflicting thoughts and experiencing pain as a result.  Through social media and traditional media, I see serious cognitive dissonance on assault weapons. This is causing anguish, political inaction and allowing more tragic massacres to go unaddressed.

Of all the opposing viewpoints, these are the conflicting philosophies I find utterly confounding:

1. Pro-life, pro-gun paradigms
2. Christian brothers and sisters defending assault weapons in the name of protection
3. The un-amendable amended amendment

Sanctity of life

One of the hardest things about this recent loss of life is the sweet, innocent age of a majority of the victims. Many of these kids likely fell asleep on car rides, thought “guts” was a bad word, and were expectantly waiting to see if Santa would give them what they had asked for this Christmas. They were babies.

During the election we learned that the overwhelming majority of conservative republicans believe life to begin at conception. Some states when so far as to enact laws stating all women were pregnant each month until proven not pregnant. The push was firmly rooted in concept that all life is precious, and babies, even those not yet born, deserved a protected environment where no one could willfully harm or kill them. Because, they were babies.

This is where the disconnect occurs for me. Many of the people so deeply offended by abortion also believe everyone has a right to own gun, and not just a gun, any gun. I understand this is a traditional conservative perspective. It was even one I held for much of my life, though I don’t anymore.

What I don’t understand is how someone who is pro-life can concurrently advocate for the right to a weapon created for war, created solely to end lives?

Christians advocating for assault weapons

One of the great NRA soundbites refers to an inalienable God-given right, when referring to our guns and other “arms.” But as a Christian, I find this rhetoric far more reverent to the identity of a nationalist than to the identity of someone following Christ. In fact, I find them strictly in opposition of the way Jesus lived and commanded his followers live. the familiar directive is that Christians are called to “turn the other cheek,” to give not only their cloak to a thief on the road, but all of their clothing.

Further, looking to how Jesus lived and died leaves little to no room for weapons in the name of our personal rights. Jesus was an innocent man who willingly allowed Roman soldiers to give him a criminal’s death. When Peter tried to fight off guards, he yelled at him to stop saying, “Put your sword back in its place, for all who take up a sword will die by a sword.” In a moment of total vulnerability, being led to his death, he commanded peace.

I wonder where my fellow Christians have received the doctrine that these directives from our God were somehow amended to allow for our right to guns. Our right to protection through violence. Our right to willingly take the life of another person. In the argument of self-protection against robbers, I look at the lives of the early Christian monks. You couldn’t ever still from a monk, because there was no way you could take something from them they weren’t willing to give you. G.K. Chesterton wrote, “there was nothing the world could hold them by, for the world only snares us by the fringes of our garments, the frivolous exteriors of our lives.”

I don’t see any room for assault weapons or violence in a Christian paradigm without seriously amending the bible. Which brings me to my next thought.

Why can’t we amend the second amendment?

The favorite statement is that the government is trying to take away all guns. They’re not. Sure, the most extreme liberals might. But overall, people for gun control just want to keep access to war machines limited to those in the military and law enforcement.

This idea that we have an entitlement to any weapon we so choose is seriously incorrect. We do not. We may not drive a tank, we may not target shoot with grenades, we may not shoot rocket launchers for sport, and we are not constitutionally permitted to shoot torpedoes, even during hunting season. The second amendment is not an open door for access to these weapons of major force and destruction. Why? Because they’ve been developed for war.

When we look at the weapons used in any of the recent shooting massacres, we can clearly see that they too are created for war. At the very least, created to take a large number of human lives in a matter of seconds. And that’s exactly what they do.

I won’t even go into the idea of overthrowing the government with our stockpile of weapons. Do a quick Google search of “drone strikes” to understand why. You would have better luck defending yourself from the destruction of a tsunami with my drugstore umbrella.

So what?

I didn’t write this to put myself or those who agree with me on a pedestal or because I know every important fact on this issue. In fact, I have no doubt there are friends and family who know more about one, or all, of these things and may not agree with me. I’m ok with that, and I’m open to hear their views.

I wrote this because I remember watching the news of with my friend (now step-sister) and her remarking that her dad (my now step-dad) was one of the SWAT members rushing in to pull kids from the bloodied Columbine library. Because I grew up staying home from school every April 20th from that year through graduation, because I was afraid of a repeat.

I wrote this because went to college at a time when every lecture hall could be likened to one at Virginia Tech. In the weeks following that shooting, I never entered a classroom without considering how I could possibly escape if someone else had the same horrific idea.

I wrote this because began school in a time where school shootings were unheard of, flukes, uncommon flashes of evil. As I grew up, I watched that rapidly transform. I’ve heard every argument of arming teachers, students, undercover cops. And, I have attended two schools where they have foiled copycat plots, complete with ammunition, pipe bombs and hit lists of students.

Finally, I wrote this because I want you to know that for me, the thing causing the greatest cognitive dissonance in my life is the idea that guns create freedom. In my life, I’ve only known them to create fear, the opposite of freedom.

I hope anyone who reads this can take a moment to shift this prism of politics and see where the light hits from the place I’m looking in on the issue. I assure you, there is light on this side as well. Not all of it, but certainly some.

Why you should have a personal social media strategy

I’m going to switch gears here for a minute and talk about something I’m passionate about in my professional life. This blog has gotten to see some facets of my personal interests, but the reality is that I spend a lot of my time working and a lot of my energy and thoughts focus on that work. The thing is, I like what I do. I mean, I really like it. I get to be a storyteller on behalf of innovative brands and help them take the most compelling pieces of their daily work to the best fit audience. It’s like being a matchmaker, a less creepy matchmaker.

One of the things I’m most interested in is the use of social media as a channel for storytelling and a game-changer for communication, whether personal or professional. While I find many folks in the field feel daunted by the ever-changing landscape, I am energized by it. Just over 10 years ago, it was only email and Friendster, if you weren’t super savvy on those, you weren’t online. Now there is a platform suited for a number of niches and skill sets and it’s just a matter of finding where you connect best. Think of it less like how to sit at the cool kids’ table in the lunch room and more like how to find that super rad food truck with the killer Korean tacos in your neighborhood. Finding the right fit is so much more satisfying than squeezing into an uncomfortable setting with people talking about things you don’t really care about.

When I am helping friends, clients or really anyone on the street corner who wants to hear my opinion, I tell them to consider their online goals before spreading out all over the interwebs. Asking the following questions help to make sure you’re landing in the right place at the right time without a lot of crazy-making along the way:

1. What do I want to do online? Whether you are hoping to stay connected to a group of people, network for career opportunities, or share your talents with the world, there is probably a spot online for you. Should everyone be involved with social media? Yes, especially from a professional standpoint. Should everyone be involved in all social media? I’d say probably not. Getting a clear vision of what you want to use social media to do is the first step in figuring out where to spend your time and effort.
2. Who is my audience? For better or for worse, these days, all the world truly is a stage. We’ve all seen a few awkward Failbook moments go down in flames and some of us may have even seen how social connections can influence real world relationships. This question is important on two parts: Who do you want listening to you online? Who may already be listening? Taking it back to the stage scenario, imagine you’re about to go on stage to tell jokes to a crowd. You’ve probably invited a bunch of friends who identify with your political opinions, but it’s good to be aware that grandparents, aunts, cousins and potential employers could also be in the audience hoping to hear what you think. Knowing your goal here is important, because if it is to make people laugh you may adjust your style and language in mixed company. However, if it is to tell hard-hitting political jokes to make people think, well, then be ready to have a sidebar conversation with grandma about how you learned about the f word. (Of course I’m talking about farkle.)
3. How does each platform support my goals? People always tell me they don’t really get Facebook or that they wouldn’t be on it if everyone else wasn’t already there. In my opinion, you should only use the platforms that you enjoy and make sense for your interests. My husband, for example, took a daring step by deleting his profile entirely at the beginning of the year. He prefers keeping in touch through phone calls, texts and Skype. The concern that he would be out of the loop was invalid because that guy is all over Twitter. Twitter is the set up that makes the most sense for him. He uses the internet to research, to get information and to jog new ideas for him to take offline. Microblogged thoughts, teasers for links and quick updates from the people he follows is exactly his speed, and it works really well for him. On the other hand, I am a big fan of Facebook as unhipster as that may sound. Because I am such an E on the Meyers-Briggs scale, I relish any opportunity for conversation with people. I want to see all the pictures you’re posting, I actually think your political statuses are thought-provoking and I’ve won so much cool stuff on Facebook that I follow all of my favorite brands.

So what’s my point? Social is all about knowing how you can make these platforms work for you and not letting the options overwhelm your intentions. The fact of the matter is that social media is changing how we connect and interact with each other as well as how we do business. Having a personal strategy, no matter how simple, is the first step in using these utilities to your benefit without the emotional roller coaster of “I quit Facebook!… I’m back on Facebook, all!…I’m quitting…” Not that anyone has ever done such a thing.

What about you? How do you connect to the ocean social of options without being toppled by a tidal wave of info?

Oops! It’s been a month…

and what have I been up to?

 

Carmel by-the-Sea | Seeking beauty and applauding the sunset

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 We found ourselves in Carmel by way of a winding coastal drive, called further and further south by the road signs promising beauty and breathtaking vistas. The morning began in someone else’s home, states away from our own and within the first two weeks of our move to San Francisco. Knowing we would likely part with our car once we moved into the city, we decided to venture our and seek the scenes boasted of along the central coast. A promise made to Tyler, “You will absolutely love Monterrey Bay,” was quickly fulfilled, inspiring him to drive further for glimpses of turquoise waters on rocky cliffs.

As we wound through the 17-mile Drive, we constantly urged one another “Look!” Momentary stops along the road and futile attempts to capture the views on camera assured us this was a place and time we wanted to behold. In our memories. In our hearts. In any tangible form. The winding drive spilled us out to the beaches of Carmel by-the-Sea. the cove was bordered by mossy cliffs and succulent groves and cushioned by powdery sand. It was the most beautiful stop of our scenic day, so we decided to linger.

We stood captivated by the view a few moments before giving in to our inner urges to run, jump and giggle along the seemingly sacred shoreline. We we led along the water by our golden retriever, Buster, as he bounded off-leash in and out of the surf for the very first time.

Eventually, we dusted off our feet and slipped back into our shoes to wander into a town promising magic. After ducking into sailing themed shops and peeking over the fences of arts and crafts style B&Bs, we were drawn back down the hill to the beach. As we walked we noticed others pouring from doorways and joining us in the direction of the water. The asphalt transitioned into sand and I suddenly noticed throngs of people lounging on the sand, dressed for dinner but with nowhere else to go.

We stood quietly in the company of strangers watching the orange sun sink into the pacific. I noticed I was not willing it to hurry as I do with so many processes in life. I preferred to watch it, observe it, with not pressure or expectations beyond its natural course.

the sky held the deep pinks and purples even after the sun disappeared and the reverent crowd actually began to applaud. The sun sets daily, marking a day’s journey for everyone, and often it does so without ceremony. Frequently it sets without so much as a pause or a moment of celebration for all we’ve accomplished while it was lighting the day. It sets and allows us to start over. To pick up where we left off. To embrace adventure. To love those entrusted to us. To watch the sun set again.

We stood there missing our friends and family in Colorado not knowing where we would call home in the coming weeks. In the moment we reveled in knowing we’d come to California for many known reasons, but more so for the unknown promises that accompany following the path of light. We applauded the journey of the sun that day and rejoiced in our own day’s journey. We are fortunate to take each day at a time.

Challenge: Harness your creativity week 1

This week’s challenge is a practice in observing the things around you. In our over-loaded, zombified, smart-phone obsessed culture, we miss a lot of beauty and points of inspiration. The technology we have has given us so many ways to document our lives, and one of the ways we do this is by photographing our food. This week, as you feel inspired to snap a pic of your plate, try to draw a diagram of it instead. Perhaps taking a moment to study the texture, layers and arrangement of your food will contribute to the overall experience. At the very minimum, I think it will help to slow down the urge to Instagram, filter, tag and Tweet all while your dining companion waits. Here’s the rub. You’ll need to Instagram the sketch of your food and tag it #personagewk1 to share.

Hope to see some fun interpretations of your dinners!

 

Styled Photo Shoot – The Wanekas

This post is from my friend and the talented Colorado-based stylist, Jill Carter. This photo session was so special for Tyler and I as it helped us to create a signpost for the transition from Colorado to California.

Jill’s blog, CommonCoutureStyle.com has amazing tips for shopping and dressing yourself like a big kid and is completed by her wit and wisdom. Follow her on Twitter, too: @commoncouture